Each time I post a blog title using a hyphenated word...I feel like I'm cheating on myself...circumventing my own personally-designed system of describing the essence of things in a single word...as if hyphenation isn't allowed...quite silly, as clearly I am the one making the rules...
Odder still, this feeling is accompanied by a tangible, physical response in my body...an inward shiver of sorts...but subtle, like bubbles rising slowly in a glass of champagne about to go flat...it feels like the remnants of what I used to refer to as my body barometer...
A highly-developed, sensitive tool, I originally created it to discern whether my parents were being completely honest with me about the status of my father's illness...an illness that lasted throughout my childhood...from the age of three until he died when I was twenty-four...a period marked by many moments of complete uncertainty...about his life...and about what would become of mine...
As with many tools, I soon learned to creatively apply my internal barometer for a variety of applications...it became my way of knowing whether something was true for me...or whether someone was telling me the truth or lying...to me...or to themselves...
Steven Kaltenbach, 1999-2000, "Matter Contemplates Spirit" at di Rosa, Napa, California
Then many years passed until one day I realized someone had been lying to me for a long time...except my body had given me no clue...no telltale sign...no warning...as if it was asking me "What does it matter?...it's their reality."...
So now, despite occasional lapses in attention, I use by body barometer for consciously appreciating things...I've discovered that life works out much better when you look for the goodness...